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Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Fun, sand, people and flowers!

In my last journal l spoke about my depression. Well since then l have had quite a few comments from people. Some were sympathetic, others not so, surprisingly. A few people thought l should make it up with my mother, as she is my mother ... no matter what she does! All l can say is this. She is not their mother!! They are allowed to have their own views but don't ask me to agree with them. Read this and then maybe you can understand why l will never make it up with my mother or understand her.
I had told my mother, on the phone, that l couldn't come to visit her because l had hospital appointments, that day. She never once asked me" why "?  In fact l was being checked for Throat Cancer. I have just had the all clear . Would your parent have done that?

This is how my mind feels sometimes.


Lets get happier folks!

I love colour ... this lady really cheered me up.



I love it when children are encouraged to experiment with their Art and this one at Forest School, was just amazing. The children made their own liquid mud in a tub and then used sticks and brushes, to decorate a sheet. The children really had fun and then l showed them how to "splash" mud onto the sheet by throwing the mud at it. We laughed a lot! :)



Now it is my turn to do some experimenting myself.



Then l played on some paper instead of canvas. Used sponges, scrapers and anything that l had to hand ... great fun. I was so engrossed, l forgot the time. Now that is fun!!



Then l cut up some paper l had printed and created the start of a collage.


Back to watching a child play. Children have no expectations and "just" draw, paint or cut things up.


Just look at the concentration :)


I love feathers and this one, from a magpie, is just beautiful.


This is my collection from just walking around this pond, in Richmond Park.


I am learning how to use Watercolour paints, not as easy as l had thought but still fun learning. I love flowers and so l am taking loads of images. I will have an amazing collection to work from when l need some reference images.
Stunning aren't they? These are just some of them.











Tony and l spent a day and a half in Cornwall and spent some amazing time on a stunning beach. As l was walking away from the beach, l looked down and there was this lovely heart shaped stone. Gorgeous.


For once the sun was shinning, the beach was just amazing and the surround cliffs were outstanding. Some many colours in the rocks and some of them had streaks through them, that looked like gold. Some looked like the sand it's self and there were rocks that looked like Mercury.




I was having so much fun, l decided to take a selfie. :)


So what do you do if you have a wide expanse of sand in front of you? Me ..... l just had to draw! :)


Well not much speaking today but l hoped you enjoyed the images? :)

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Quite a mixture today!! Deer ...Crochet .... Voices in the mind ...yellow duck!!

The other week l was wondering where l could get a skull from? Human or animal l didn't mind to be honest. Then l was attending a Charity Race in Richmond Park ... there l saw this trailer! Yeh ...deer skulls for sale from culled or ill animals. Found out so many facts ....wow!


This crate showed some of the things we humans drop or throw away, that  could  injured or accidentally dill these beautiful creatures.


Anyone for a skull? So bought one for a few pounds ... very happy. 


Here is one of my young students drawings, of my deer skull.


I always get bored travelling long distances in a car. We had to go from London up to Thirsk in Yorkshire, unfortunately for my sister-in-law's funeral. I cannot read or write as l get car sick ... so ... l decided to see if l could paint.  I wanted to experiment with some water soluble "wax crayons", l bought in Tiger for a £1!. So l was working in a 70 miles an hour Art Studio. Wax is meant to resist water not mix with it ...very peculiar experience! Not easy when you have a bumpy road but the motorways are generally ok. I had fun anyway and that's the main reason for doing Art ... in my view.



I also found a fun way of drying each area ... put the heater on and hold it over or by the vent. Good job it was a chilly day! :)


This was the sight that meet us in the main square in Thirsk. Crochet everywhere! I thought it was great but Sue, my other sister-inlaw, thought they were ok, except when it rained. Then she explained they just look soggy and become a drooping mess! Shame. Glad l was there on a nice day then. :)








So far this has been a cheerful entry but now l am going to chance the mood slightly. There is a happy ending l promise!!!! :)
 All my adult life l have had depression and had to fight hard to cope with it. Just lately since my dad's death in March this year, l have been struggling greatly. The problem is l do not like my mother and she knows this. When my Dad  (87)was alive he looked after my mum (88) all the time. I mean REALLY looked after her. When he died she could't even turn the kettle on or work out the washing machine. All she did was sit in the corner and look out the window, into the small back garden. So we had , that is my husband, sister and l, a massive job on our hands. Unfortunately my sister works and also lives three hours or so away and so the main bulk of it fell to my husband and me!!! My poor husband had to sort out 4 years worth of bills etc out and so mum was left to me!  This is where my problem starts. !!!!! Well for three months we lived with my mum and tried to sort everything out plus her. Believe me NOT easy. 
The depression part that l want to talk about is something l had never had to deal with before or heard of . As l stated at the start l do not love or like my mother .... ok l can hear all the sharp intakes but it is true. I am not going to go into all the details, just take it from me l don't. My jobs ever since l was a teenager has been working with children , being a Counsellor and or an Artist ...so a Carer. Right here is the problem. One half of my brain was yelling ;
              "Why are you caring for her? Let someone else do. Just ignore her and get on with your life."
The other half of my brain is a Carer and was saying;
              "That's right move in, take care of her, do all the things she needs doing and so on."
So 24/7 l had two voices in my head shouting at me and l just could not think or really do anything. The voices were getting so bad l was plunging back into a deep depression. What to do .... my wonderful husband took me to see our doctor, who l have know for more than 15 years . She took one look at me and said l will get you a Counsellor as soon as l can. I was surprised but very grateful when true to her word, two and a half weeks later l had a Counsellor on the NHS, for 6 one hour sessions.  Which my friends in the Uk will know, they are as scarce as hen's teeth! Phew. She was amazing and helped to stop the voices. 
There is a lot of news at the moment about Mental Health and the NHS, on the TV, radio, newspapers and blog sites. I have had problems since my teens (l am 64), trying to get help with my depression and up till now it has always been hit and miss. l talked a lot with my GP and my Counsellor about how it could all be made better or to work at all. There is now findings that say 20 weeks is the length of time most people would find helpful when depressed. But l cannot see that happening. Shame because l think that if l had had that 20 weeks when l first had problems l would not necessarily be where l am now... OR ... at least l would have learnt the signs and be able to help myself more. Hey Ho! ( REMEMBER THE MAXIMUM CONSUTATIONS ON THE NHS IS 6) 
 I promised you l would end on a happy note. Well ... l love white ducks and l came across the road in Thirsk, last week, to go down by the river and what did l see .... a beautiful white duck with yellow beak and orange feet. My day was made! Simple things in life.




:)

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

CHOCOLATE LIFE AND JAZZ!: Holiday time

CHOCOLATE LIFE AND JAZZ!: Holiday time

Holiday time

I love Cornwall and l was lucky enough to spend a day and a half there, the other week. The following images are some of the hundreds of images l took!!

Found this church Launceston. 




Praise the Lord!


Just as beautiful on the outside as it was on the inside!


Don't know the story behind these straw men l saw all over the place ... but were fun to see.



Then we headed to the beach ... that's what Cornwall means to us ... sand, sea and surf!


Stunning







Who would believe this was actually stone. l think it looks like Mercury.


The caves are just magical.


Rocks and stones every where ... Paradise to my eyes!




Just love sea weed and l have never seen any like this before.




The walls of this cave was covered with stones, which people had written messages on. l think it showed how high each person had managed to climb . Interesting cave.



The view from inside this cave ... stunning!




Can you see where the surf has crashed over the rocks? The noise was amazing!


Never seen a jellyfish like this before but l am told they are very common on this beach. Beautiful isn't it.


This is a pool that the sea has created. It is deep enough to become a diving pool.


Wow ...all these on one small rock. There were hundreds of them, clinging to rocks all over the cliffs.




This says it all really ... doesn't it! ha!